On Losing the Power of Speech

... or perhaps I should say, think. If somebody had told me that one day I - probably the most directionally-challenged individual in the world or possibly universe - would be spending days, weeks and months immersed in writing directions for other people to follow, I think I would have gone straight into therapy.

But where needs must I do, or some such useless homily. If our aim is to help people to follow ancient pilgrim routes - an activity we heartily endorse as being good for the soul, world peace and the environment (plus long list of additional items that only occur to me when I am on a roll), without even a sniff of a deity - then I suppose creating detailed maps (Paul's job) and writing detailed instructions (unfortunately mine) must be one of our core activities - however tedious. I am sure the finished product - due out next spring - will make me think that it is has all been worthwhile - sensitive readers will pick up the e-doubt vibes as I write.

Perhaps the worst aspect in all of this is that the rest of my brain is bludgeoned into silence by the clatter of turn rights and bear lefts rattling round the limited space left in my head. I have forgotten how to think. I can't write. The cerebral muscles, such as they are, have gone into paralysis.

So, in the interests of mental fitness, I will launch into one of those rare rants that sometimes, if I am lucky, leave me riding on an Adrenalin high.

First on the list for attack:

People who say this 'is the true story'.
Nothing repeated is ever true because Chinese Whispers will always rule. What you say will not be what I repeat and what I see will not be from your point of view. All pretty obvious stuff really, but last night the documentary and therefore 'true' version of events preceding the mass suicide by Jim Jones and his followers made me think about this all over again. What is truth? Can truth exist? Who do we believe? Certainly not the man who left his 4-year old son to his fate in the jungle, while making sure he was as far away from the scene as possible. And certainly not Jim Jones' son who said he couldn't have done anything to alert people to what was about to happen.

Next, a clap on the back and loud applause for Shami Chakrabati, Director of Liberty, who told David Blunkett that history has repeatedly demonstrated that having a 'pet dictator' (referring to Masharraff) simply wasn't an option anymore.

3rd- I caught the end of a radio programme, always the way when I am immersed in map reading, that discussed the relativity of time. too bloody true. Will someone, perhaps the presenter, explain to me why the hours in the day are never long enough to do what I need to do, but an hour of aerobics is always interminable.

4th - why are some people brimming with amazing, if sometimes useless, ideas (like the woman who has just produced a book of To-do lists sent in by thousands of people - I must love my husband even when he farts on the sofa), while I can't even think of a new and less inflammatory way of telling my daughter that coffee cups encased in mould are bad for MY environment.

5th - why can some people write great groundbreaking novels when I can't even complete a blog.

6th - how can Andy Hamilton be so funny without even trying?

And here ... for the time being ... endeth the rant. But not because I've gone through the burn and reached the ultimate cerebral high. No, far from it. I'm just feeling guilty about taking valuable time out from writing directions. Ah yes, guilt, that's another point I could have added ...

In a free society, some are guilty. But all are responsible. Abraham Joshua Heschel

So there!